Resentment is natural when you’ve been wronged, but over time it can become bitter and self-defeating. Psychologists explain how to move on
At some point in the late 70s, during a Brownies meeting, something happened to Deborah that she has never been able to forget. Well, she can’t actually remember exactly what the incident was, but she knows the perpetrator – another girl, who still lives in her town. “I think she might have pushed me,” says Deborah. “I think she might have said something mean to me.” Whatever it was, she has held a “deep grudge against her for 46 years”.
It affected her deeply at the time. Deborah (not her real name) had been bullied at school, but says she doesn’t hold grudges against those people. Brownies was different – it was supposed to be a safe, happy place, and this girl ruined it for her. It hasn’t had a huge impact on her life, but the grudge – and the negative association – seeps into her mind every time she spots the woman. “It happens quite a lot.” She might bump into her in a shop or drive past her. “She’s always been a shadow in my life.”
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