Yes, masculinity can be toxic, but so can femininity

At this year’s Screen Actors Guild awards, 87-year-old actress Jane Fonda accepted a lifetime achievement award and made a politically charged speech. Unlike most of her fellow stars, however, Fonda did not take up one pet cause — instead, she got right to the heart of the deep cultural polarization that ails us.

After noting that actors must learn to empathize with those they are portraying on screen, Fonda declared: “Make no mistake, empathy is not weak or woke.”

Fonda is right: Empathy is not weak — or woke. At least, not per se. It is best understood as the impulse and ability to feel and identify with the feelings of others. Correlated with agreeability, empathy is a characteristic disproportionately evinced by women.

Thoughtfully directed toward virtuous causes, empathy is an asset; it’s what makes many women quick to volunteer for noble causes and to help neighbors. What Fonda is really implying, though — and what today’s most vocal leftists uniformly believe — is that empathy is a virtue unto itself when indiscriminately deployed on behalf of the systemically marginalized. Or, as Fonda put it: “Woke just means you give a damn about other people.”

This is the false belief that makes today’s elite left and its predominantly educated, female adherents so out of touch with everyday Americans — and, as I have written, so apt to hurt the very people they purport to help. For example, in the name of fighting institutionalized racism, they agitate to eliminate the tools of law and order that majorities of people of every demographic are depending upon to keep them safe.

Or, for another example, they welcome male athletes claiming a transgender identity onto female teams, and thereby endanger and disenfranchise the women for whom those teams exist.

As shown in polls assessing Americans’ political views, a vastly disproportionate number of the people politicizing ideologically differentiated empathy in this way are women. It would be fair, then, to term this baseless glorification of misguided empathy “toxic femininity.” After all, it is an exact inverse of the toxic masculinity displayed by infantile or misogynistic men — only displayed by infantile or misandrist women instead.

Toxic masculinity is best understood as the glorification of indiscriminate aggression. Just as women are on average predisposed to greater empathy, men are on average predisposed to greater aggression. Yes, these traits exist for men and women on overlapping bell curves — the most aggressive women are indeed more aggressive than the least aggressive men. Nevertheless, just as virtually all of the people at the tail end of the distribution for empathy are female, virtually all of the people at the tail end of the distribution for aggression are male.

Like the predominantly female predisposition to empathy, the predominantly male predisposition to aggression is a morally neutral fact. It is how one directs aggression that determines its virtue or its toxicity. The violent criminal and the protector who apprehends him are typically both male — and both exhibiting prototypically male aggression.

The real question is not whether most men will always be more aggressive than most women. They will. The question is whether men maintain control over their aggression and harness it to achieve, protect and serve, rather than to menace, assault or mock. It is the reflexive celebration of aggression, regardless of circumstance, that can indeed make masculinity toxic.

Femininity can be made similarly toxic by the ideological deployment of empathy. The question is not whether most women will be more empathetic than most men. They will. The question is whether women develop mastery over that empathy and harness it to compliment reason, order and responsibility, rather than to patronize, excuse or tokenize.

Socioeconomically underprivileged minority kids aren’t doing as well on standardized tests, and are getting suspended at higher rates for misbehavior?

Toxic femininity says: Eliminate the tests and institute restorative justice policies (thereby guaranteeing weaker academic attainment among these students and devolution of order in their school) in a fact-free profession of virtuous empathy.

But adult womanhood says: Find better options and motivation for test prep, ratchet the discipline up until it becomes an effective deterrent to most misbehavior, and expel the incorrigible out of righteous empathy for those who want to learn.

Males identifying as transgender feel marginalized and uncomfortable playing on the men’s team? Toxic femininity says to let them play on the women’s team — thereby depriving female athletes of the safe and fair competition that women’s sports were instituted to offer — in deference to the trendy cause of protecting transgender rights.

But adult womanhood says that sex is a biological fact, not a subjective identity, and that women’s teams are for women. This in no way infringes on the legal rights of people who identify as transgender, and who should of course be treated with equal dignity. Dignity does not entail blind deference.

For those who preach politicized empathy like Fonda, identification with the feelings of the student who never does her homework, the kid who hit another student, or the trans woman athlete is an indicator of personal virtue. What about empathy for the student motivated to study because of the standardized test, the kid being victimized by troublemakers, or the female athlete who loses her roster spot to a biological male? Well, that’s not so virtuous.

This amoral illogic is lazy, self-aggrandizing and infantile. In these empathy-addled, toxically feminine little girls masquerading as grown women, the toxically masculine little boys masquerading as grown men get exactly the enemies they deserve.

What about the rest of us, though? We deserve better.

Elizabeth Grace Matthew  writes about books, education, and culture, including on Substack. 

Topics

16 Best Gifts for Men, Manly Men, and Menly Man Men (2025)

When you need something that's as unnecessarily masculinized as you can get for the Man™ in your life, we have you covered.
Wired - 11h
How the A-MEM framework supports powerful long-context memory so LLMs can take on more complicated tasks

A-MEM uses embeddings and LLMs to create dynamic memory notes that automatically link to create complex knowledge structures.
VentureBeat - Mar. 5
Crocs Are Coming To Fortnite So You Can Ensure Foot Comfort For Optimus Prime

Forget the back bling and iconic skins. Is your character comfortable enough in Fortnite? Because if not, the battle-royale game has teased Crocs are coming with the latest update . For those ...
GameSpot - 4d
'They told me to go play, so I go play.' Austin Reaves can carry the Lakers when asked

On the second night of a back-to-back, and without four starters, Austin Reaves produced 37 points, 13 assists, eight rebounds and four steals against the Nuggets.
Yahoo Sports - 9h
Can Donald Trump afford a trade war with Canada?

And can Elon Musk afford a tumble in Tesla's share price?
BBC News - 3d
How can daylight saving time impact your health?

Changing the clocks can, of course, impact your sleep. But that can lead to more problems, experts warn.
The Hill - Mar. 8
How Entrepreneurs Can Leverage Uncertainty for Growth

Entrepreneurs can use empathy to find the canary in the coal mine and exploit it for profits and intangible gains.
Inc. - Mar. 8
'Underperforming' Man Utd can 'change Ratcliffe's mind'

Manchester United head coach Ruben Amorim says "underperforming" squad can change Sir Jim Ratcliffe's opinion.
BBC News - 3d
Measles Can Damage the Immune System for Years

An infection can also leave children and adults with other long-term health problems.
The New York Times - 1d
Cushing: We've shown we can compete

Nick Cushing says he's seen enough in City's League Cup final defeat to know we can present a real challenge to Chelsea in our upcoming fixtures.City had deservedly levelled just after the hour ...
Yahoo Sports - 9h
Why Olympic medalist Omari Jones’ path to becoming ‘America’s next boxing superstar’ will be so difficult

2024 bronze medalist Omari Jones is the latest American boxer who will attempt turning Olympic success into professional dollars. But with the way the sport is changing, can the old formula still ...
Yahoo Sports - 1d
Carney talks tough on Trump threat - but can he reset relations?

Canada's next PM, who described the US as a "country we can no longer trust", will need to work with the US president.
BBC News - 5d
Can English teams win all three European competitions?

With five teams in the quarter-finals, can English sides win all three European competitions this season?
Yahoo Sports - 2d
Here's how you can watch Friday's MSU-Oregon basketball game

Here's how you can watch Big Ten Tournament matchup between Michigan State and Oregon on Friday.
Yahoo Sports - 1d
Here's how you can watch Saturday's MSU-Wisconsin basketball game

Here's how you can watch Big Ten Tournament matchup between Michigan State and Wisconsin on Saturday
Yahoo Sports - 15h
Is Elon Musk’s Tesla EV Party Over?

Tesla’s stock defied gravity for years. How long it can keep doing so remains up in the air.
Inc. - 5d
US had productive talks with Putin over Ukraine war, Trump says

But Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky accuses Russia of dragging out ceasefire talks so it can continue the war.
BBC News - 1d
Cheltenham festival day one tips: Brighterdaysahead can upset Constitution Hill in Champion Hurdle

The favourite has seen off every challenge in all his races, but could be facing his sternest opponent so far. Constitution Hill has seen off every challenge with ease in winning all 10 of his ...
The Guardian - 5d
Can win vs. Panthers, Zadorov's fight with Bennett spark Bruins?

The Bruins earned a huge comeback win over the rival Panthers on Tuesday. Whether they can use it to spark a run to the playoffs remains to be seen.
Yahoo Sports - 3d
Lakers' Bronny James can see on-court improvement during rookie year

Lakers guard Bronny James said he can see improvement within his game after logging a season-high 15 minutes in a loss to the Nuggets.
Yahoo Sports - 4h
Best seat in the house: writer Geoff Dyer on why sitting in a corner is so satisfying

The author always sits in the corner of a room but doesn’t understand why. Do some people crave the solace of the corner more than others? He finds clues to the compulsion in his upbringing – and ...
The Guardian - 6d
Steve Jobs Hired a High-Schooler to Write the First Mac Guide. Here’s How You Can Use AI to Follow His Example

A variety of AI services like ChatGPT can improve your business’s readability.
Inc. - 15h
How canned water brand Liquid Death made its mark

If you watched the Super Bowl last month, you might have seen the first national ad for Liquid Death, the canned water company that promises to "murder your thirst." Founder and CEO Mike Cessario ...
CBS News - Mar. 8
Can Mark Carney, Canada’s New Leader, Take on Trump and His Tariffs?

Mark Carney will most likely be in power just a few weeks before a federal election is held. To win, he will try to convince Canadians he can take on, but also negotiate with, Trump.
The New York Times - 4d
Trump’s energy chief says US shale can ‘drill, baby, drill’ at low oil price

Chris Wright claims industry can raise output even if crude falls to $50 a barrel as administration has suggested
Financial Times - 5d
Touring Italy’s ‘Motor Valley,’ Where You Can Drive Ferraris, Lamborghinis and More

In the country’s “Motor Valley,” racecar enthusiasts can admire, and even drive, Maseratis, Lamborghinis, Ferraris and more.
The New York Times - 1d
The risks of AI-generated code are real — here’s how enterprises can manage the risk

AI generated code is set to dominate application development. Here's what enterprises can do now to lower the risk.
VentureBeat - 1d
Here's how you can watch Saturday's MSU-Notre Dame Big Ten Tournament hockey game

Michigan State hockey battles Notre Dame on Saturday in the Big Ten Tournament - here's how you can watch this matchup
Yahoo Sports - 15h
What do women really want from men? I delved into romantasy and found a good few clues | Max Fletcher

In these novels, the heroes are – to borrow a term from the fandom – cinnamon rolls: soft-hearted, sweet and, yes, delicious. Feyre Archeron has many talents: she can skin a wolf and track a deer, ...
The Guardian - Mar. 8
TGL Golf, Unrivaled TV Ratings Don’t Tell Full Story of First Seasons

Failure’s not too hard to spot. Success? That’s a little harder to pin down. In sports, catastrophic failure has its own specific gravity, so much so that we can evoke some of the most ...
Yahoo Sports - Mar. 7
The ‘secret’ agents of super-prime property

In the rarefied world of the most expensive homes, where discretion is everything and sales can be a magnet to opportunists, a clutch of under-the-radar agents is oh-so-quietly operating
Financial Times - 1d
AI can steal your voice, and there's not much you can do about it

It's easy to bypass steps voice cloning services have taken to prevent non-consensual voice cloning, according to the report.
NBC News - 5d
Border czar on Columbia arrest: 'Absolutely we can' deport a legal immigrant

Tom Homan, President Trump’s border czar, said Monday that federal authorities “absolutely can” deport a legal immigrant after U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) arrested a Columbia ...
The Hill - 5d
Controlled-release fertilizers can spread microplastics on US cropland – study

Tiny bits of plastic can end up in water and soil at alarming levels, said lead author of University of Missouri paper. Fertilizers that shed microplastics are increasingly spreading on America’s ...
The Guardian - 4d
Can The Red Wings Make The Playoffs?

Nobody likes losing.
Yahoo Sports - 5d
Chelsea can be flexible, says Maresca

Enzo Maresca insists Chelsea will be allowed to break from his rigid tactics if they need to win Sunday's vital London derby against Arsenal.Maresca revealed error-prone keeper Robert Sanchez is ...
Yahoo Sports - 1d
How Zelensky Can Help Ukraine

Different sides of the war in Ukraine reach for different, simple narratives about Mr. Zelensky. The truth has always been more complicated.
The New York Times - 1d
Alibaba's Tsai discusses AI's potential: 'Equity research analysts can be completely replaced'

"Mundane research" can be done by machines, but human beings will still play a role, Alibaba's Chairman Joe Tsai said Wednesday at CNBC’s CONVERGE LIVE.
CNBC - 3d
Wendy Williams 'can find peace' at Brock Pierce's mansion, says former child star

Brock Pierce, the former 'Mighty Ducks' child star-turned-crytpocurrency boss, says Wendy Williams can 'begin her journey to healing' at his mansion.
Los Angeles Times - 2d