Content warning: This story contains references to suicide. If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide and needs support now, call or text 988 or chat with the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988lifeline.org.
Boston Red Sox outfielder Jarren Duran revealed in an interview that his struggles with mental health during the 2021 and 2022 seasons reached the point where he attempted suicide.
Duran, 28, opened up as part of Netflix's docuseries "The Clubhouse: A Year With the Red Sox," which premieres on Tuesday. In the fourth episode of the series, titled "Still Alive," Duran explained that he attempted to shoot himself with a rifle, but the gun did not fire.
During the 2021 and 2022 seasons, when Duran was a 25-year-old rookie, he batted a combined .218 with a .612 OPS and five home runs over the first 91 games of his MLB career. That was not the production expected from a starting center fielder, and the pressure he felt from not fulfilling those demands became increasingly difficult for him.
"I would think every day, ‘I can’t f***ing do this,'" he said, via The Boston Globe. "I couldn’t deal with telling myself how much I sucked every f***ing day. Like I was already hearing it from fans and, like, what they say to me. It’s like, I have told myself 10 times worse than that in the mirror. That was, like, a really tough time for me.
"It was a pretty low time for me. I didn't even want to be here anymore."
Director Greg Whiteley then asked Duran, "When you say 'here,' you mean 'here' with the Red Sox or 'here' on planet Earth?"
“Probably both. Yeah. Probably both," Duran responded. "I got to a point where I was sitting in my room, I had my rifle and I had a bullet and I pulled the trigger and the gun clicked, but nothing happened.
So, to this day, I think God just didn’t let me take my own life because I seriously don’t know why it didn’t go off. I took it as a sign of, ‘I might have to be here for a reason’, so that’s when I started to look myself in the mirror after the gun didn’t go off."
Duran first acknowledged his difficulties in 2022, which included a demotion to the minor leagues, while speaking with MassLive reporter Chris Cotillo.
"It has been pretty hard," Duran told Cotillo in August 2022. "I can’t talk about ...
