The one change that worked: I quit fighting about politics with my friends and family

I was always up for a fierce dinner-table debate – but if differences are aired without ever reaching a resolution, what’s the point?

I hate confrontation. Even a whiff of beef can keep me up at night. As a journalist, I’ve learned to listen and to probe only gently, never raising my voice or outwardly judging. Yet, for a long time – until quite recently – I would occasionally engage in fierce political arguments with certain friends and family members.

The trigger would usually be a passing comment about, say, renewable energy, the character of Boris Johnson or the #MeToo movement. Wine often had a place at the table. It never involved swearing or insults, but there would follow a familiar spiral: a steady increase in volume, a hardening of tone, a grasping for poorly remembered evidence, an admission that “we’re just going round in circles here”, followed by another go around anyway.