The 10 rules of friendship: show up, go beyond banter, learn the boring details
Writers, therapists and academics give advice on how to make, and strengthen, meaningful bonds with mates and friends
Emma Reed Turrell, psychotherapist, author and host of the podcast Friendship Therapy
You can keep balance in friendship by showing your working out, rather than making assumptions and mind-reading. This might sound like: “I’d like to invite you to a party but I’m wondering if it might not be your thing and I want you to know that you can absolutely say no, or just come for an hour.” That way you get to express your wish and your friend gets to be honest in their choices, rather than people-please you or dodge the question. Look for the ‘both/and’ of a balanced friendship, rather than an ‘either/or’ situation, and negotiate how to both get what you need from your communication styles or time together, rather than create a one-way street in which one of you is always keeping the other happy. Not everyone wants a two-way street in friendship and you might find you get push-back if you seek to rebalance an existing relationship but a true friend will welcome your honesty and one that doesn’t might not have been a friend at all.
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