My boyfriend finds menstruation unappealing – and I feel rejected every month

It’s the first time I’ve been involved with a man who has this outlook and I’m finding it difficult to navigate

I’m a 43-year-old woman in a relationship with a wonderful man. However, my boyfriend is turned off by period sex, a novel situation for me. I respect his boundaries but I can’t help feeling rejected every month. How do I come to terms with this and not feel rebuffed?

Everybody has likes and dislikes concerning sex and bodily functions, and it’s important to respect each other’s feelings about such things. Try not to take this personally. It is something that is ingrained in him and it may be something of a turn-off for many men. After all, since a basic function of sex is reproduction, which is less likely to occur through intercourse during menstruation, his response may to a certain extent be biologically determined. It would be a mistake to try to shame or coerce him into doing anything he dislikes.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.

My boyfriend finds menstruation unappealing – and I feel rejected every month

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