I want to end my stifling marriage – but can’t bear how much hurt I’d cause | Ask Annalisa

Where did you learn that everything is your fault? If your marriage fails, you both have to take responsibility for it
Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a problem sent in by a reader

I am in my late 40s, married for 20 years with two teenagers, and I feel trapped. For several years I have known that I no longer love my husband. On the surface we cooperate well as parents, and get on most of the time. However, over the years we have had bitter arguments and things have been said that have left me feeling drained of love for him. There is no abuse, mainly just complacency and criticism, and a deep feeling that I am not living my life the way I need to; I feel stifled, “hemmed in” and unable to be fully myself.

I have tried to raise my feelings with my husband but he refuses to take them seriously and has vetoed couples counselling. In a few years’ time, our children may have left home and the thought of it being just the two of us fills me with dread. The voice in my head telling me to leave is getting louder, but I feel completely stuck.

Topics

Becoming deaf has made me feel insecure. How can I regain my confidence? | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, and you may find some comfort in learning from other people’s experiences. Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a problem sent in by a reader ...
World - The Guardian - November 8
I have spent my life looking after my depressive, controlling mum – can I move on? | Ask Annalisa

This is one of the most controlling mother/daughter relationships I’ve ever seen. You have done more than enough for her. Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a problem sent in by a ...
World - The Guardian - November 15
I’m a ‘trad wife’ in a happy marriage. How can I get my friends to accept me for who I am? | Leading questions

To your friends, your relationship is probably the least interesting thing about you, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith . Try to remember what drew you to these people in the first ...
World - The Guardian - November 7
My husband unfairly blames me for our son’s eating disorder | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

Perhaps your son’s aversion to food is a symptom of a wider anxiety – finding ways to talk about it is key to discovering its cause. Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a problem sent in by a ...
World - The Guardian - November 1
‘I can’t deal with managing them’: I juggle 18 credit cards. How do I close them without ruining my credit score?

“I have very high limits, so charges barely make a blip on my credit-utilization ratio.”
Business - MarketWatch - 6 days ago
I want to find my ‘thing’. How can I work out what I want to do with my life? | Leading questions

Try too hard to find your purpose and you might miss it, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith . But wait too long for it to find you and you could lose out. Read more Leading ...
World - The Guardian - November 21
My wife glazes over when I talk about my writing. How can I come to terms with her indifference? | Ask Philippa

Your persona as an author is in the public domain, so perhaps your wife wants to keep the private you to herself. The dilemma I am a 53-year-old husband, happily married for 10 years. ...
World - The Guardian - November 17
‘I don’t want to stop her from moving on with her life’: If I die first, how do I make sure that my second wife doesn’t disinherit my children?

“Is there a way to protect everybody’s interests?”
Business - MarketWatch - November 5
Haruki Murakami: ‘My books have been criticised so much over the years, I don’t pay much attention’

As his new novel is published, the acclaimed author discusses complexity, writing female characters and meeting his fans. • Read about the rise of Japanese fiction in Britain . The City and Its ...
World - The Guardian - 6 days ago

I want to end my stifling marriage – but can’t bear how much hurt I’d cause | Ask Annalisa

Topics

Related

Becoming deaf has made me feel insecure. How can I regain my confidence? | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

I have spent my life looking after my depressive, controlling mum – can I move on? | Ask Annalisa

I’m a ‘trad wife’ in a happy marriage. How can I get my friends to accept me for who I am? | Leading questions

My husband unfairly blames me for our son’s eating disorder | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

‘I can’t deal with managing them’: I juggle 18 credit cards. How do I close them without ruining my credit score?

I want to find my ‘thing’. How can I work out what I want to do with my life? | Leading questions

My wife glazes over when I talk about my writing. How can I come to terms with her indifference? | Ask Philippa

‘I don’t want to stop her from moving on with her life’: If I die first, how do I make sure that my second wife doesn’t disinherit my children?

Haruki Murakami: ‘My books have been criticised so much over the years, I don’t pay much attention’

More from The Guardian

Syrian rebels enter Aleppo three days into surprise offensive

MPs back landmark bill to legalise assisted dying in England and Wales

At least 27 people dead and 100 missing after boat capsizes in Nigeria

Notre Dame reopening offers ‘shock of hope’, says Emmanuel Macron

Zelenskyy says Ukrainian territory should be under ‘Nato umbrella’ to stop war