I used to think I could adapt to most things – then they rearranged my local Lidl | Zoe Williams

They haven’t just moved all the stuff, they’ve reversed half the aisles, so they run across instead of instead of along. It feels weirdly fake, like I’ve walked into a trick supermarket

What they always say about cats – indeed, one of the reasons I prefer dogs – is that they don’t like moving house. You have to trap them inside for the first week after you relocate or they’ll make your life a misery, going back to the old house, getting into mischief on the way. I’ve always thought less of them for their inflexibility, their prima donna nose-twitching, their refusal to go with the flow. Always, that is, until someone remodelled my local Lidl.

It is hell: they haven’t just moved all the stuff, they’ve reversed half the aisles, so they run across instead of along. I’m baffled by the physical space before I’ve even started looking for anything I want. It feels weirdly fake, like I’ve walked into a trick supermarket, for the purposes of … who knows, kidnapping? Reality TV?

I used to think I could adapt to most things – then they rearranged my local Lidl | Zoe Williams

Topics

Related

My mother nursed a life-affirming 25-year grudge. Hard as I try, I don’t have the attention span | Zoe Williams

I followed Trump and Joe Rogan into the manosphere – and it was not pretty | Zoe Williams

I used to think Googling my symptoms kept me healthy. My mother’s death showed me I had to quit | Elle Warren

Billionaires like Elon Musk don’t just think they’re better than the rest of us – they hate us | Zoe Williams

On a 17-hour train journey I glimpsed our future – and it was ugly | Zoe Williams

'I could see my kneecap was not where it should be'

‘It was obvious I wasn’t in Kansas anymore’: My local bank has no cashiers — and declined to accept my money. What’s going on?

'I jumped in a skip to find my dead brother's things'

More from The Guardian

Middle East crisis live: displaced residents start to return to southern Lebanon after Israel-Hezbollah ceasefire begins

Bolsonaro allies nearly launched military coup in 2022, police report says

Trump transition team signs agreement to begin takeover from Biden

Marilyn Manson drops defamation lawsuit against Evan Rachel Wood

US lawmakers urge Biden to pardon Assange to send ‘clear message’ on media freedom