I have spent my life looking after my depressive, controlling mum – can I move on? | Ask Annalisa

This is one of the most controlling mother/daughter relationships I’ve ever seen. You have done more than enough for her

Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a problem sent in by a reader

My mother has led a hard life. Diagnosed with clinical depression many years ago, she has made multiple “suicide attempts”, ranging from when I was aged nine to the last one 12 years ago when I was 31. I’m an only child, unmarried, and my mum did not marry after my dad left her. She did find love when I was 11, but her parents forbade her to pursue it, so she focused on her career.

Mum’s suicide attempts were often linked to control issues: a reaction to me dating or not toeing the line. When I graduated from college and moved to a different city, my mother asked me to return home on a work-from-home arrangement, and the tussles continued, with my aunt (who has not worked since her early 30s) being equally controlling. Tiring of the endless drama, I took a job in a different country and have worked here for a decade, unwillingly returning “home” once.

Topics

Latest in World

Germany's Scholz discusses Ukraine with Russia's Putin in first such call in 2 years
World - ABC News - 4 minutes ago
Top Iranian official holds talks in Lebanon on Israel-Hezbollah war
World - ABC News - 28 minutes ago
Scholz’s call with Putin will open ‘Pandora’s box’, Zelenskyy says
World - The Guardian - 30 minutes ago
Austria says Russia's Gazprom will cut off natural gas supply this weekend
World - Yahoo News - 37 minutes ago
EU or US? UK plays piggy in the middle
World - Financial Times - 40 minutes ago

I have spent my life looking after my depressive, controlling mum – can I move on? | Ask Annalisa

Topics

Related

Becoming deaf has made me feel insecure. How can I regain my confidence? | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

'This is my face and I will embrace what I have'

'Why I spent my university fees on Somali TikTok battles'

‘I don’t want to stop her from moving on with her life’: If I die first, how do I make sure that my second wife doesn’t disinherit my children?

I’m 63, retired and getting $45,000 per year. But I only have about $200,000 in my IRA and still have a mortgage. What’s my move?

My mother nursed a life-affirming 25-year grudge. Hard as I try, I don’t have the attention span | Zoe Williams

‘For years, I chalked it up to bad hearing’: My partner has signs of dementia. He’s already spent $750,000. How can I stop him from wiping us out?

I left my husband after he raped me. Should I tell our daughter what happened? | Ask Philippa

‘My partner and I have moved in together and I’m afraid I will have to do all the housework. How do I get him to help?’ | Leading questions

More from The Guardian

Pete Hegseth, Trump’s Pentagon pick, sparks alarm over far-right extremism

Scholz’s call with Putin will open ‘Pandora’s box’, Zelenskyy says

RFK Jr could have disastrous global impact on public health, experts fear

Pelicot trial: young vineyard worker proposed drugging and raping his own mother

Anger in Lebanon at large number of rescue workers killed by Israel

Latest in World

Germany's Scholz discusses Ukraine with Russia's Putin in first such call in 2 years

Top Iranian official holds talks in Lebanon on Israel-Hezbollah war

Scholz’s call with Putin will open ‘Pandora’s box’, Zelenskyy says

Austria says Russia's Gazprom will cut off natural gas supply this weekend

EU or US? UK plays piggy in the middle