‘I feel like I’m on holiday!’ Inside our week-long mental load marriage swap
He walks the dog and does the cleaning and finances, she organises all the meals and responds to family WhatsApps. Would their household fall apart if they changed places?
It starts with a discussion in the car, prompted by the washing up. It wasn’t done that morning. The laundry needs hanging up, too, and someone has forgotten to make the packed lunches. We need to pay the dog walker, fix the broken bath panel, work out why our toddler has started waking in the night and book our youngest in for a haircut. Then there’s a half-planned playdate to confirm, meals to plan and all those family WhatsApp group messages that need a response.
Historically, women in heterosexual relationships have carried the heft of the mental load, also known as cognitive household labour. This is the behind-the-scenes work, often intangible, that goes into running a household. It’s not just the jobs: it’s thinking about those jobs. The true extent of this work, invisible and embedded as it is, can be hard to define; an iceberg of tasks concealed beneath waves of tradition, expectation and stereotypes. It’s not just the doing, it’s the remembering, the realising, the anticipating, the assigning. It’s not just making packed lunches, it’s getting food in, making sure it’s nutritious, checking the lunchboxes are washed and ready. It’s knowing the toddler has gone off bananas and the baby can’t eat chunks of apple yet. This work is unpaid, unseen and, often, unappreciated.
Continue reading...Topics
-
I’m struggling to feel like I matter in any area of my life
Sometimes we slip into exchanges that feel more functional than meaningful, and leave us feeling unseen. The question I am hoping you can help me make sense of the feeling that I just ...The Guardian - 3d -
'I’m happy to be here': Inside the first few weeks of the Lakers' Luka era
From a life-altering phone call to captaining the Lakers' offense alongside LeBron James, here are seven moments that define the early Luka-LeBron era for the Lakers.ESPN - Feb. 25 -
Travis Kelce explains decision to return for 2025 season: 'I still feel like I can play it at a high level'
Kelce will turn 36 in October and is coming off the worst statistical season of his career.Yahoo Sports - 6h -
Puerto Rican artist iLe: 'I feel motivated to rescue our cultural history'
The Grammy-winning singer-songwriter and Calle 13 alum performs Friday at the Wallis in Beverly HillsLos Angeles Times - Feb. 21 -
‘I’m an endless honey pot’: My wife and I are in our 70s. We gave our son $40,000 for his L.A. wedding. Now he wants more.
“We have four sons. We financed three of them through college, so none of our kids have student loans.”MarketWatch - 1d -
A.J. Brown big fan of new Eagles OC after Kellen Moore's departure: 'I truly feel like it's a great hire'
A.J. Brown likes the hire of Kevin Patullo as Eagles OCCBS Sports - Feb. 21 -
‘I feel like I’ve been let off the lead’: Tom Pidcock on his Ineos exit, Netflix editing and not riding Le Tour
Olympic gold medallist on his strained departure from Ineos Grenadiers, moving to Q36.5 and feeling revitalised. It’s July 2022 and Tom Pidcock is flying down the towering Col du Galibier at 100km ...The Guardian - 5d -
The one change that worked: I found an escape from online life by swapping my home office for the library
I can find essential and unusual facts for my arts journalism in the dusty old tomes – information not readily available on Google. And, as I did as a child, I lose myself in a world of books .... ...The Guardian - Feb. 24 -
What’s the Secret to a Long-Lasting Marriage? Tell Us Yours.
If you and your partner have been married for 30 years or more and have advice for an enduring marriage, we want to hear from you.The New York Times - 12h
More from The Guardian
-
Macron warns Russian aggression ‘knows no borders’ in televised address
French president says Europe must prepare for a future without guaranteed US support, warning Russian threat could extend beyond Ukraine. The French president, Emmanuel Macron, has warned that ...The Guardian - 2h -
US holds direct talks with Hamas in break from decades-old precedent
The White House press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, confirms talks but declines to provide details. The White House is holding direct talks with Hamas over the return of the Israeli hostages ...The Guardian - 2h -
Trump temporarily spares carmakers from US tariffs on Canada and Mexico
After a call with top executives at GM, Ford and Stellantis, president approves one-month exemption from tariffs. US politics live – latest updates Donald Trump has temporarily spared ...The Guardian - 3h -
Elliott stuns PSG as Liverpool weather storm to snatch remarkable victory
Liverpool are alive and well in the Champions League when they should have been buried in Paris. Arne Slot’s team did not simply secure a precious first-leg lead against Paris Saint-Germain, they ...The Guardian - 43m -
Iranian singer Mehdi Yarrahi given 74 lashes over protest song
Lashes were part of agreement to end criminal case against Yarrahi over song against Iran’s strict dress code for women. Mehdi Yarrahi, a well-known Iranian protest singer who spoke out against the ...The Guardian - 2h
More in World
-
Trump’s veterans affairs chief defends ‘extraordinarily difficult’ plans to cut 80,000 staff – US politics live
Doug Collins says cuts are personally difficult for him as move could undo expansion in agency’s healthcare services implemented by Joe Biden. Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau will speak today, ...The Guardian - 10m -
‘We Have Given Him Everything’: Trump’s Tariffs Stun Mexico
President Claudia Sheinbaum’s government made major concessions — and delivered results — to avert President Trump’s 25 percent tariffs. He imposed them anyway.The New York Times - 14m -
Raphinha strikes to give 10-man Barcelona last-16 edge over Benfica
Raphinha struck a second-half winner to give Barcelona a lion-hearted 1-0 victory at Benfica on Wednesday as they overcame a red card for Pau Cubarsí early in the game to steal an advantage in the ...The Guardian - 37m -
Kane at the double as Bayern ease to first-leg win against 10-man Leverkusen
Something seemed to break here, and it was not just Xabi Alonso’s proud unbeaten record over Bayern Munich. For Vincent Kompany are cruising to the Bundesliga title and now they are cruising to the ...The Guardian - 42m -
Elliott stuns PSG as Liverpool weather storm to snatch remarkable victory
Liverpool are alive and well in the Champions League when they should have been buried in Paris. Arne Slot’s team did not simply secure a precious first-leg lead against Paris Saint-Germain, they ...The Guardian - 43m