Family tensions can run high over Christmas. Here’s how to make things a little easier | Becca Bland

Approaching disagreements with respect and curiosity can deepen our connections with even difficult relatives

Becca Bland is a journalist and researcher with a specialism in family estrangement and social policy

The Christmas period has always tested our ability to spend time with those to whom we may be biologically related, but struggle to relate to philosophically. Divisive world events such as the US election can make matters much worse, and family relationships are increasingly becoming casualties of stark political differences. As a researcher around family estrangement, I know how challenging it can be to keep the goodwill flowing.

Take Alexis, for example, who is originally from a rural town in California. He is planning to attend a large Christmas gathering with more than 20 relatives, the majority of whom voted Republican and are strong Donald Trump supporters. As an openly gay man, he struggles with some of the political talk that “the other side” brings to the table during family occasions. “It’s clear in how my relatives talk that they don’t care how my rights to live as a gay man are impacted by their vote,” Alexis told me. In the past, he has tried to establish boundaries to put politics “off-limits”, but this has not been effective. “In reality, the conversation happens anyway. Some people like to push it, and they try to get a reaction.”

Becca Bland is a journalist and researcher with a specialism in family estrangement and social policy

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